Why I Hate* Pollock Halls.

When your mum has given you a pack lunch five days a week for the last fourteen years there is only one logical choice for that boy’s accommodation at university. That is to replace the mother with the “lazy” catered option supplied by Pollock Halls at the University of Edinburgh. Two meals a day, it’s own bar and café and picturesque views of Arthur’s Seat has made many of its residents look a fool by the university’s prospectus.

The barricades, the barbed wire walls, the security cameras on site all make it feel like my ineptness of being able to live on my own has resulted in me being locked up in prison. Whilst many of Pollock’s buildings share the same appearance (only differentiated by name), it is no great surprise that one quarters “Grant House” is aptly nicknamed “Grantanamo Bay” by most of its slaves. However in real prison where mass murderers can live out life sentences in cells that have beds and their own toilets, it makes me jealous that I can’t have my own en-suite facility.

Instead I am greeted to pneumatic drills in the morning from building work, power-outs during the day and then fire alarms in the middle of the night. Although Pollock is currently undergoing a major face-lift it is sadly not a substitute for undergrad stupidity. For instance during Fresher’s Week certain individuals it seemed were magnetically attracted to fire alarms. Although I have to say thanks to the installation of one (!) security camera in the foyer of Turner. Now the majority of fire alarms are a result of unskillful smokers who are incapable of putting a towel over a smoke alarm correctly.

Based on the first month of living in Pollock, blackouts and fire alarms are as much part of first year in halls as is going to lectures. In particular students of Chancellor’s Court and Ewing House have had the unique experience of being evacuated from a fire whilst in a blackout. There have also been instances where two houses have had fire alarms on the same night. Truth be that it keeps the fire services earnest to their pay, they are probably getting a wee bit bored with it by now.

No matter because after any fire alarm or indeed any night can you arise for breakfast - the most exciting meal of the day. Where the words “assorted pizza” at dinner leave many grabbing for their snapfax to head to Papa Johns, breakfast is quiet as many students sought an extra fifteen minutes of slumber instead.

It’s hard to admit that I’ll miss Pollock. Truth be told that I have made many friends as a result of standing in front of Turner waiting for the fireman to give the all clear. Nevertheless I can’t help imagine that in the fireman’s mind, he’s probably thinking he’s never going to send his kids to Pollock and neither shall I.

*hated (when all the renovation is done)