Britains Got Talent Last Night

The auditions are coming to a close in the latest series of Britain's Got Talent but this hasn't stopped the general public thinking they have got what it takes to perform in front of the Queen. This week's auditions took place in Manchester and Birmingham and with a flu-stricken Simon Cowell, Louie Walsh was once again called in to headline the judges panel.

The show, being televised on an unfamiliar Sunday night to make way for the Champions League final, was back to showing what variety acts were hoping to garner the applause from the crowd as well as the accolades from the judges. Amongst the "talented" individuals on last night's show were cross dressing Beyonce dancers, diploma boasting piano players and lonely clarinet fifty somethings desperate to navigate their way through the audition stages.

One of these was choir boy, Liam McNally, who struck a chord with the audience and the judges with his rendition of "O Danny Boy". Piers Morgan described him as a "serious contender" and this was backed by the bookies with Paddy Power making the 14 year old second favorite to win the show at odds of 5/1 behind dance troupe Spellbound.

Brummie bouncer, Neil Fullard, was also a big hit with the judges by crooning Frank Sinatra's "Come Fly With Me" with the support of his colleagues in the background alongside Ant and Dec. The 42 year old will hope that he has done enough to get through to the semi final stage along with another 39 hopefuls when they are announced on next week's show.

After then the judges and the public will have a much better idea of who will follow in the footsteps of Paul Potts, George Sampson and Diversity and perform in front of Her Majesty.

Iron Man 2 Review

Tony Stark was made for film and Tony Stark was made for Robert Downey Jr. His role in the first film ends with the immortal line "I am Ironman" and the entire premise of Iron Man 2 follows. This entails Stark's alter ego crossing flight paths with Lieutenant Colenel James Rhodes (Don Cheadle), providing a competitive business for Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) and having epic duels with lead villain Mickey Rourke as Ivan Vanko. Add the returning Gwyneth Paltrow, newly appointed assistant Scarlett Johansson and SHIELD's own Samuel L Jackson, director Jon Favreau is ambitious in covering so many possibilities in a two hour film. All this to an AC/DC soundtrack.

Now summing up the plot like this makes many wonder whether Iron Man 2 falls into the same trap Spiderman 3 fell into. The approximately 500 million villains, the compulsory love-interest as well as the main character exploring his dark side proved too much for the Spiderman fellowship to bare. The relinquishing of great power and great responsibility by both director Sam Raimi and actor Toby Maguire has resulted in the need for a new lead in a planned but possibly premature reboot. The comic book movie industry is one of the most demanding genres in terms of output. With an already contracted threequel in the works as well as a role for Tony Starks in the Avengers film in 2012. A poor show was not an option.

Consequently Iron Man 2 plays like it's predecessor just on a bigger budget (not that you could tell the difference mind). This means the action sequences are even more spectacular, noteworthy and original on a big screen. One instance in Monte Carlo demonstrates Stark's swagger of James Bond proportions from in the bar schmoozing with the ladies (he goes as far as ordering a martini!) to high octane racing with the big boys in a fetching overall. What ensues can only be aptly described perhaps as Favreau's opinion on how to make Formula 1 more interesting.

Although action is very much on the agenda for most of the film, make no mistake Iron Man 2 is also casually funny. Mostly thanks to Downey Jr's charm, it is also down to director Favreau himself who plays Stark Enterprises chief bodyguard. The term "bodyguard" is used loosely though as Favreau provides sparring partner, portable baggage handler and comic sidekick throughout the film. With attributes like those one could consider him a triple threat on screen but his talents from the chair is what probably pays the bills.

It's clear when watching that everyone involved had a great time in making it. The absence of Terrence Howard, who was reportedly, on the biggest contract of the main cast (!) in the original as well as Favreau's alleged dislike in his portrayal of Rhodes led to his replacement, Don Cheadle, getting the role in the sequel. Nevertheless the film's spotlight firmly shines on Downey Jr. who can check superhero sequel off his "to do" list. One wonders if the series will catch 3D fever because watching Iron Man 2 you couldn't help but be intrigued and excited to see the results.

Second Hand Gaming - the future of gaming?

Shiny new games. In an idealistic world I would have nothing but them. Whether it be those ones sealed in that see-through plastic packaging or the ones that sit snug in limited edition paraphernalia. However it is a much fancied world that I do not live in.

Student debt is racking up and penniless pockets makes game choosing an arduous process outside of the birthday and Christmas periods. There is no room (or game vouchers) for experimentation and due to my money shortcomings, I am limited to the one and only title my lifestyle enables me to afford.

Therefore the time has come to resort to second hand gaming. The snob’s nightmare and a connoisseur dream, the titles sit lonely and ashamed in the “Bargain Bins” of supermarkets or are being sold out the back of a Peugeot at a car-boot sale. You question their legality, you debate their quality but when you come across that “dream title” wherever it maybe it’s clear the biggest asset of second hand gaming is their price.

If you are willing to wait out the hype and initial aftermath of the post-release syndrome of a major title then it is your gain. The street retail price becomes irrelevant and the walks of life it took for that game to get there is superfluous as the price stares glaringly at you.

Fifa for a fiver? The most noticeable price drops are in the titles that are released on an annual basis. So as the year 201x comes along with a sports title from Electronic Arts, you can be certain that, whatever sport it be football, rugby, nfl, the 201(x-1 year) title is going to get a lot cheaper. This can be good as it means you can get really decent titles at a snip of their initial selling prices.

A dated outcast turns to a potential new playmate for you at the local game retailer. The appeals of second hand gaming are there for gamers to experience and with other titles like Mass Effect and Dead Space on offer, there are some true gems that can certainly be worth the wait.

The Sex Pixels

The genre of a game can be determined by what’s on the front of the box. If its got a gun then it’s a shooter, if it’s got magic then it’s an RPG or if its got guns and magic then, logically, it’s an RPG shooter. It is not this mechanism however that makes any standard game unique or even provide a basis on how good it is. The critical component that contributes to a game’s cosmetic makeup is the topics it deals with.

The topics are most important in plot-driven games where moral debates are created out of what can be done. Recently in Modern Warefare 2, the player could pose as a terrorist in an airport and set his crosshairs on gunning down innocent passengers. Violence is clearly one topic that has been addressed and spurned great outrage and most recently from former celebrity gardener Alan Titchmarsh. The other is sex.



Perhaps the most “representative” of this topic is the Grand Theft Auto series. Since it has undergone its 3D facelift, the games have become some of the darkest and maturest on the market. Aside from the overwhelming violence in Vice City/San Andreas/Liberty City, hookers are another delight to our games anti-hero. Nipples on show, sex manouveures fully demonstrated, it is a game that has caused great controversy in the past.

One of its most bearing moments was the uncovering of “Hot Coffee” a program that was initially uncovered on the PC version of San An but then found on the PS2 and Xbox versions. Why so controversial? Well the relationship factor of any GTA games is, particularly, intensified in this one where your lady asks you in for some coffee. Innocent enough. However when I said coffee I mean fourth base.

Sex is a contentious issue. GTA has managed to gain a loyal amount of negative press from politicians, feminists, parents, the Government, religious figureheads, and lest we forget gardeners too. The stress seems to be on the glorification of it whilst there is no educational values on show. Perhaps if the game were supplemented by a guide entitled “how to have yourself a proper relationship” would people keep a blind eye to some of the actions available in the game.

This article reads though as GTA is the only game to delve into the sexploits of video game capabilities. Adult games were found on 4 bit consoles like the Atari 2600 20 years ago (e.g. Custer’s Revenge), whilst the Leisure Suit Larry PC Gmaes of the 90’s demonstrates the remarkable longevity of such a hushed topic in video gaming. However with 4 bit graphics or even 2D visuals of a computer, it was hard for sex to not to have an inescapable comedic/jovial element. But as games get more realistic, the more criticism it garners.

Whether that be as a blatant cash cow like in Dead or Alive: Volleyball or the lesbians of God Of War 2, if there is anything such as a “shock” topic still in video games then it is sex. An ingredient that would make it into the frontpage headlines of a newspaper or the central theme in a politicians keynote speech. There is no escaping it and much like the violence debate it is one that has many people divided.

Pokemon: An Introduction To Video Games, TV Shows and Cards

It was a craze. It was a fashion. It was mass hysteria in the mid 90’s. Parents didn’t get it but their kids absolutely loved it. Movies, cards, video games, tv shows, it was everywhere in my mind. Children payed it on the way to school, in the playground and then under the bedcovers at night. It was carrying the baton that the tamogutchi left off and marked a significant fascination of Western popular culture into the Japanese equivalent.

Of course I’m talking about Pokemon. But I’m not just casually throwing this word around to describe the 493 creatures that now exist in some fictional wilderness on some kid’s DS cartridge. I’m talking about the original 150. Squirtle, Bulbasaur, Charmander, that’s how it was when our first incarnation of ourselves on Blue and Red would travel across a region in order to become pokemon champion of the world (!!!).

It was a class game and after going a succession of added generations (or three) of unique pokemon to the games we arrived at the latest non-ported versions on the DS - Diamond and Pearl. However some felt the new, shiny creatures sugarcoated over the need for refinements in gameplay. Despite the innovations of the DS, our beloved trainer can still only moves 4 directions even in the latest ports. It is a feature that is clearly dated but familiar to loyalists who would suggest the peak of the series came with the introduction of Gold and Silver.

250 was just right and the addition of berries, running shoes, varieties of pokeballs, a cellphone, radio made it one of the best games on the Gameboy Colour. The RPG and strategy element had been retained from Blue and Red and 16 badges spread over 2 regions meant it had a massive quest in-store for a wannabee champion-to-be. The latest incarnations of these games on the DS has made me realize that they can claim to be the most complete Pokemon games.

But it wasn’t just about video games. Pokemon was much, much more. The cards functioned much like top-trumps to the extent that Ditto’s transform attack would be very appropriate. The number in a pack was dependant on how much you paid and those illusive shinies created the addictiveness factor of the product. However to describe them as “second rate top-trumps” neglects the fact that Pokemon cards are still taken very, very seriously. They can be used at the highest level in Nintendo endorsed competitions but for the devotees they were, depending on what card, collector’s item.

Many tales have been told over the availability of some of the world’s rarest cards. There is no one universally-agreed answer as price evaluation can be very subjective. The most illusive of the first generation of cards? For me perhaps a shiny Moltres but for Ebay a dark Dragonite has an asking price of £127.50. But this is just loose change for completists who seek the ultra-scarce. Whether that be the “illustrator card” of which only 6 were issued or the “prerelease raichu” dubbed the “Holygrail of Pokemon Cards” by the PokeGym curators. The asking price of these cards you ask? Well depending on factors such as quality, they can fetch anything from $1000 to $10000.

The games and the cards are still very much still the facial recognition features of what Pokemon has come to be. The movies now are very much straight-to-tv affairs whilst the tv series is again restricted to kids channels like Cartoon Network. No more is it just Ash, Brok and Misty on their adventures. Familiar faces shoved aside to make way for new characters and the expansion of the franchise is, again, on its way. But as this furthering continues the essence of what Pokemon was, when it was at its peak, is soon going to be lost.

The Gamecube Complex

Nintendo have been at it forever. Their first home console was released 16 years ago and have since built an inventory that keeps the wheels of innovation moving in the console market. The release of Microsoft’s Project Natal and the Playstation Move in the coming months are 4 years too late and shows the competitors are being left to play catch-up. Whether these add-ons will the rival the Wii is questionable but it marks the Wii as a significant improvement on Nintendo’s last hiccup - no not the Virtual Boy but the Gamecube.

By the time the European release of “Project Dolphin” came round in May 2002, Nintendo had already tightened its grip on the handheld market with the Gameboy series but its secure position in the home consoles family was coming under threat. This had been initiated several years previous by the unfashionable entrance of the cartridge based N64. That complemented by the moving-in of the hip-cool newcomer, the Playstation, which continued to carry out its day job of selling 3 Sony’s for every 1 Nintendo.

The reason for this was down to a variety of factors. The unwanted game development costs along with their lack of internal memory lead many third party developers, like Square Enix (who originally had Final Fantasy 7 penciled in for the N), to shift focus on output for the Playstation. Promised dreams of online capability (remember the 64DD?) quickly became fruitless fairytales for Nintendo loyalists in America and Europe. Despite the faster loading times, the “pulling power” of Mario and Link, its innovative add-ons (Transfer, Expansion and Rumble Paks) Nintendo’s role in the family was soon to be outcast.

Sony had overtaken them and after the acquisition of Sega by Microsoft, another developer was looking to emerge and leapfrog over Nintendo much like Sony had just done in the mid to late 90’s. Whilst Microsoft were ambitious with the original Xbox with an original selling price of $400 and aesthetics that had many likening it as “a toaster”, it certainly did raise an eyebrow or two.

Nevertheless it was a more than satisfactory welcoming for Microsoft that proved a successful experimentation and dabble into the console market. It left the Gamecube to fight for scraps at the dinner table in the hope of garnering more attention than it deserved. Mario, Celda, Metroid, the big names were out but don’t be deceived by the orange illuminated smile that greeted you when you turned it on. Everything was not as rosy at Nintendo headquarters.



The lack of third party support left the ‘cube with a band of under 14 followers thanks to a lack of really mature games (Eternal Darkness and Residential Evil 4 aside). Nevertheless on retrospect, the console has aged well. If viewed as a transitional phase towards Nintendo’s crowning the moment, the launch of the Wii, the Gamecube had all the innovations its competitors lacked. Connectivity to the GBA, microphone and wireless controllers all proved to be stepping stones in the blueprints that resulted in Nintendo emerging from the shadows of its competitors.

A word of warning ....

the articles I have just put up are of eld value. They are from the crazy years that was institutionally known as 6th form. I like to think my writing style has come on A LOT (and I mean a lot) since then!

The Sun vs. Mars Bar Boxing Match!?!? [written 2007] [what was I on???]

As supermarkets take centre stage for battles between Pepsi and Coke, Carlsberg and Heineken, McDonalds's and Burger King it begs to ask the question what other businesses are fighting for the sum of money you usually find in your trouser pocket?

In a world where virtually any company can compete against everyone, the Mars Bar and The Sun are having a rivalry across all available frontiers. Though we have not (yet) come to an age where you can eat and read a newspaper, both are ancient in existence and with the same price tag they are eternally battling for the Queen's nose. Indeed at 50p they are surely worth every penny for whatever it is they offer - pleasure, humor, satisfaction, sodium bicarbonate?

The Mars Bar at a towering figure of 17cm swaggers into the ring in a hefty but chocolaty costume of 17 grams, 5 ounces. Engulfed by its adolescent audience, the Mars strikes an expressionless pose to the photographers whilst its competitor waits edgily on canvas. The Sun - guarded by its army of supplements and pull-outs - waits tentatively ready to do battle.

The tabloid edges popularity in the U.K. with 3.3 million copies sold daily whilst the Mars finds itself universally admired with an $18 billion empire across 65 countries. Undoubtedly the Mars has spent much of that money on aiding its brothers and sisters - Mars Snack Size, Mars Delight, Mars Duo whilst The Sun has also spawned a number of siblings in Sun Bingo and SunSingles. In fact this match could have easily been a tag team affair but with one contestant per team there will be no interference tonight.

No doubt both corners are riding on the outcome of the contest; with the Mars going in as the slight favorite. Certainly with the capacity to cure temporary hunger, the alleged ability to "keep the doctor away" and a layer of caramel the Mars has emerged the popular choice. Nevertheless in a bold move this week, The Sun has come out this by publishing its adversary's weaknesses.

The Mars Bar, as The Sun points out, is known for its "bad health, bad dieting and poor stamina". Having a considerable amount of acne the chocolate is hardly a pin-up either, and with reporter's suggesting disfiguration if the temperature rises above 40°C the Mars could already be looking down for the count. Along with rumors of carrying meat extract, the pre-match drugs test for the Mars could be a celebration in itself for its contingent.

In fact where the Mars Bar is already filled with partially hydrated soybean oil, The Sun looks to distract its opponents. Known for the one-two combination of Soduku and Mystic Meg the tabloid aims to fluster its adversary. The tabloid able to inform, humor and persuade its opponent into submission will only want to avoid the inevitable barrage of beverages (and criticism) from the spectators.

As the fight begins, it's clear the match is more than endurance rather a test of mental strength. The Sun starts intimidating its opponent by forecasting tomorrow's front page edition - "Mars Munches Defeat". Instinctively the chocolate bar attempts to land the first punch of the match; but the tabloid almost immediately expecting it goes on a counter-offence. Rapping around its opponent like a boa constrictor The Sun has quite literally tightened his grip upon the match. The Mars is looking down for the count as it stands immobile; anxiously waiting for the bell.

This match could be over in a matter of moments - The Mars not the most flexible of competitors unlike perhaps bubble game or candy floss - is trying to squirm its way out but The Sun is having none of it. Thirty seconds left, and it looks as if the sell by date on this Mars Bar is about to run out. And there it is! The Mars has fallen! The Mars has fallen! The fickle figure falls whilst The Sun returns to its true A4 layout and waits for the ref to count to ten. The ref counts, the tabloid taunts and the audience shocked - eight...nine...ten and he has done it!

Acting on impulse the ref makes his way to collect and carry the crown The Sun has clearly been longing for - the 50 pence piece. He knows that with this unanimous, undisputed and unsurpassable victory, that the tabloid has earned at least some respectability.

The Trouble Of Talent-searching TV [written 2008]

"For the last time it is pronounce couple not cuple" There are many things wrong with Saturday night T.V., one is the B.B.C. employing regional accents to boost viewer ratings and the other is I.T.V. for giving false-hope to anyone who thinks they can sing.

Last night Strictly Come Dancing and The X Factor finally ended, with certified B-lister Alesha Dixon and miserable Scot Leon Jackson taking the crowns. Both are now, set to serve life sentences of daytime T.V. interviews, re-union shows and in time be part of Never Mind The Buzzcock's "Identity Parade" round.

The two shows ability to spit out (and regurgitate) flagging celebrities back into stardom is quite alarming. More concerning is that these two "talent" shows are now the flagship of reality television. However where The X Factor prides itself upon contestants from families who probably have businesses in the Yellow Pages; Strictly is more class conscious.

This series contestants have been born in the near-Southern counties of Kent, (Kelly Brook), Hertfordshire (Letitia Dean), Suffolk (Brian Chapman). Quintessentially this makes Strictly appeal to the middle class, to people who pay for T.V. licenses, who stay in on Saturday nights. These people won't be at the pub watching Rugby League on Sky Sports but sipping wine in the vicinity of their detached suburban houses. Though there is this evidence of "class consciousness" from the BBC there is always an objection to every rule. In this case it is the humble upbringings of co-presenter Tess Daly from Stockport, North-West England.

Subjects such as Mrs. Vernon Kay conform, as always, to the Beeb's over-used recipe for success. Accents - check, Modified Received Pronunciation - check, ethnic minorities - check, as well as every other grey-area of modern society are all force-fed to the audience. Even the dancers diversify the international void inexistent in the "famed" British celebrities. The females particularly, with surnames such as Kopylova and Cacace, bare skin as if there British passports depended on it.

Even early round contestants of The X Factor all too frequently strip themselves to a naked body of dignity: and thankfully nothing else. When the show reaches its 12 finalists, the judges are all too eager to toot their own horn. Bias never validates public opinion, even if it has been subject to scrutiny because of phone-in scandals in this post-Richard and Judy era. Though this could be beneficial when the Eurovision comes around, at the moment it is de-valuing the term "winner".

The fact that these shows are over-exposed too worries me. What are the B.B.C. doing with taxpayer's money? Strictly ... It Takes Two has a mid-week daily slot whilst The Xtra Factor broadcasts straight after the live show. Though they provide hype and exposure, these "complementary" shows are just surely to fill out presenter's employment contracts.

So whilst the two talent shows are either finding the crème of the British public or of that of flagging celebrities fame status, they are further creating stereotypes of reality t.v., and more worryingly British Culture. Do we really want to see over-weight, tattooed, females on prime-time terrestrial television? Probably yes, but deep down you know it can't be good for foreigners' perceptions of the British.

Up The Bracket Album Dissection [written 2007]

The Libertines debut album Up The Bracket is one to be remembered. Fronted by Pete Doherty, Carl Barat, Gary Powell and John Hassall, the London quartet proves that they are a band to watch in the future with their mixture of punk and rock influences. Produced by the legendary Mick Jones of The Clash, Up The Bracket has re-introduced teenagers to a new concept of rock music.

The mid 90's was a disaster for guitar music as pop became more dominant in the charts and on the shelves. Even the latter 90's of British music was in a state of decline; haunted by the Brit-pop era of Oasis and Blur. However as the sun set on the 20th century, the dawn of modern rock was established. Fronted by The Strokes and The Libertines, a new generation of music was introduced to the media, to the critics, and most importantly to the music-lovers.

The Libertines early intention as a band was to become signed by a major label. When they formed in 2000, they started to gather a following; playing impromptu gigs at band members apartments. Not only did this make a strong foundation of friendship with their fans but helped put across their image. This image was soon strengthened as Doherty used the Internet as an alternative means of communication with his fans. This act illustrated two things. The influence Doherty could have on people through the message boards, and that he could always be in touch with someone. As the release of Up The Bracket came, The Libertines following increased dramatically as their scheduled gigs soon became fast sell outs. Mick Jones realized he had started a revolution, just like he had done with The Clash.

Despite the two major influences on Up The Bracket of Carl Barat and Pete Doherty, the ex-front man of The Clash shows up notably on one track. Horror Show is a brilliant song captivating the punk roots of the band. "Sharply screw myself to death". The visceral lyrics of Horror Show talk about the effects of alcohol and drugs on the body. Although Doherty knew of their consequences he would continue to keep using throughout the band's journey. The range of genres covered in Up The Bracket meant they could appeal to all sides of the spectrum. The parallels of alcohol and drugs that are so evident between The Clash and The Libertines were what made Mick Jones the perfect person to produce the perfect album.

Up The Bracket's release in 2002 was surrounded by the returns of both Foo Fighter and Coldplay. Therefore the band did not get the press coverage it deserved. But did they want the press coverage? As no one knew who the band was, preconceptions were hard to be made by any of the newspapers. They could only be judged on what they sounded like. Today everyone knows Pete Doherty as that addicted junkie who went out with Kate Moss. However from songs like Boys In The Band and The Good Old Days it was clear he knew how to write a song that could have many levels of interpretation. Boys In The Band is a brilliant post-modern tune, which is an ode to the groupie. "And they all get them out ... for the boys in the band" The arrogance of such a chorus leads the listener to assume it's talking about the sex. However according to the band's biography, The Libertines: Bound Together, it is more about the alcohol. About a week after the release of Up The Bracket the band were launched.

As everyone became accustomed to the excess number of gigs, drugs and alcohol surrounding the album, soon the visions of Doherty and Barat surfaced. I Get Along is a definite highlight which uses the clearest of vocals of Barat to send a message to the band's critics. "People tell me I'm wrong ... fuck 'em". The lyrics define what a Libertine is - a free thinker. There were no rules, and no place in society for The Libertines and in Doherty's case it gave him the ability to do what he wanted, when he wanted.

Starting to treat himself (and Barat) to various drugs, the media were soon constantly surrounding the band. Doherty whose influences range from Emily Bronte to Morrissey, believed that he was on the ship "Albion" which sailed to "Arcadia" - where there are no rules or authority. The vision is instantly recognizable in (name of song) off Up The Bracket. (Up The Bracket lyrics insert here). Doherty resembles his vision as the journey of The Libertines, but as he and Barat became increasingly aware of each others presence other terms soon developed. "Death On The Stairs" is both a song and a phrase (thought up by Barat) to define people who grow old and do nothing but watch television. "Don't bring that ghost around to my door" The song illustrates how the band wanted to be kept as far away from the term as possible. Ironically the band, especially Pete, would indulge in the drugs and the alcohol which would lead to their demise. But at that moment The Libertines could do no wrong.

The majority of their praise came from the major music magazines, front lined by NME who crowned them best breakthrough band in 2002. The Libertines were propelled into the fast-life involving drink, drugs and gigs. Yet they were still able to establish a relationship with there fans. Time For Heroes demonstrates how they saw themselves as "the rescuer" of there own generation - "We'll die in the class we were born". Doherty's attitude seemed to demonstrate how the band was more for the music than for the money. Although being made up of a drummer, a bassist, and two on guitar, The Libertines still made their intentions heard on Up The Bracket. The different rhythms accompanied to each song on the album showed that they were a raw talent.

The distinctive voice of The Libertines was not how they sounded, but what they said. To communicate with their audience, some of the songs used very colloquial lyrics. "What a divvy, what a fucking divvy" Doherty use of bad language didn't make any of the songs sound violent, but instead more intelligent. In What A Waster (the debut single) Doherty despite having 6 A* grades and 5 A's at GCSE, used very colloquial expressions. This turned out to be a stroke of genius. Although heavily criticised by almost everyone, What A Waster captivated its teenage audience. The debut song had managed to do what punk and rock 'n roll was all about - get them heard nationally and piss off everyone at the same time.

The Libertine's Up The Bracket not only re-introduced rock music from a different perspective, but proved to be a catalyst for the younger generations. Currently Bloc Party, Arctic Monkeys and The Kooks are helping proceed with what The Libertines had started - getting more and more teens to enjoy music, and the life that comes with it.

Los Campesinos Gig Review [written 2007]

If half term is about procrastination then Los Campesinos! are doing it best. Based at Cardiff University, the Welsh septet last night played the ULU as a part of a mammoth 22 date Winter Tour. Supported by electro-indie act Attack + Defend and Canadian dance-punks You Say Party! We Say Die! everyone was getting ready to time waste. Yet with band names containing Spanish, addition signs and exclamation marks, the night was gearing up to be a long lesson in music.

With an 800 standing capacity, the ULU could have been described as a punishment for rocking on your chair. Instead the dance floor stood-out like a hollow classroom, the bar an alcoholic canteen and the stage a moving blackboard. All left that was needed were the teachers. However with tickets costing £12.50, most were educating the high-art halls of the Electric Proms and we had to make do with the substitutes.

First act A + D came on whilst many students deliberately turned up late. They were greeted to the sound of chalk-against-board screeching from keyboards of lead brother Mark Thomas. What followed was, with each song, a concoction of noises that sounded like it had been produced in a lab only to have been welded in a tech room. Certainly idiosyncratic, for many it was just a painful wake up call for pop-punks You Say Party! We Say Die!

However even that wasn't needed. Powering into the song "The Gap" the band instantly gained an audience worthy of any General Studies lecture. The only difference was that people were enjoying this kind of music. Promoting new single "Like I Give A Care" (and a poor use of English) lead singer Becky Ninconovic strutted with a personality of a foxx. Bassist Stephen O'Shea along with his Johnny Borrell white jeans sprung across the classroom before hand-clapping the audience into submission from a wall of amps above.

Fast paced, fun, frantic, YSP! WSD! were everything A + D weren't. Their last practical of the night was a "show and tell" session with LC! who joined them on track "Falling Out" It was from this that brought out, finally, some strangled movement from the crowd. Though other pleasures were enjoyed that night, the satisfaction of a worthy supporting act only was heightened by the intimacy of the event.

It was clear that LC! were in danger of being over-shadowed. But with a unique blend of violins, keyboards, drums, guitars and glockenspiels they weren't going to go quietly. New single "The International Tweex Core Underground" came across as a tale of post graduate love told in the innocence of boy/girl vocals. With each track, the audience was becoming more manic and this wasn't just because it was nearing the end of the day. Crowd favorite "You! Me! Dancing!" sparked a frenzy whilst various handclap routines raised hands as if it were a Q&A session.

No doubt LC! proved by the end of the night they have a flawless formula for making good, catchy music (A + D take note). However being a substitute is only a part-time job, and certainly one you don't want to be living for ever.

Wolfmother Gig Review [written 2007]

Resurrecting the dead is hard to do in music. The Libertines did it with punk, Klaxons did it with rave and now Wolfmother have done it with heavy metal. The axe-wielding Aussie trio performed at Hammersmith Apollo last night proving that giant afros, cryptic lyrics and hammering guitar solos are certainly not just a thing of the past.

In front of a sell out audience it was hard not to feel sorry for the people sitting on the balcony above. Supporting their self-titled debut and armed with a wall of amps on each side, it was obvious why people were queuing at the ends rather than in the middle. Entering the stage, lead singer Andrew Stockdale's trademark 'fro and white waistcoat were worth the entrance fee alone, and the band were certainly ready to rock.

Kicking off with "Dimension" the audience were full of energy, full of vigor and Stockdale even more so. Darting across the stage, shaking his hips the lead man dictated the moves of the audience with every riff of his Gibson SG. Swaying forwards, backwards, side to side, keyboardist and bassist Chris Ross brought his own style to the stage interacting with the audience at every opportunity.

As the night progressed, the moshing turned up a notch when Stockdale tore into Led Zep classic "Communication Breakdown". Playing it, it would be no surprise if Page and Plant were ancestors of the Wolfmother front man. Indeed Plant could have been a long lost brother of Stockdale's; with "Mind's Eye" illustrating he can hit the highest of notes.

As the night came to a close the band went off almost expecting for the audience wanting them to come back on. They obliged and launched into an encore climaxing with hit single "Joker And The Thief". Although the audience left temporarily deaf, Wolfmother proved that resurrecting the dead is definitely a loud and yet stylish process to master.

Music Review of 2006 [written 2007]

It was a year that saw pop music decline, music sites prosper and a Sheffield act take complete domination; 2006 was a productive year for everyone involved in British music. Bands were reforming & reintroducing themselves, and whilst most collected music awards few gained entrance to the annual Hall Of Fame event at Earls Court. Whether it was on television, on the internet or at festivals all year round bands were propelling themselves towards stardom.

And none other so than the Arctic Monkey's, headed by Alex Turner, showed how a band could gain national attention; collect the Mercury Prize, and have two no.1 singles all whilst sparking a guitar-rock revival. Their unique take on college-life for a teen gained them a wide audience leading to the no. 1 fastest selling album: ever. And spearheaded by the successes of The Kooks, Snow Patrol, Fratellis and Kasabian they all began to eat away into pop's inner sanctum - the U.K. Top 40. Aided by the fall of Top Of The Pops and the crumbling of Smash Hits!; overall 2006 was a bad year for pop. Girl groups like Sugababes and Girls Aloud found the shoes were too big to fill, and despite desperate reforms of Take That and All Saints, pop had been struck a belting blow from rock both commercially and nationally in 2006.

In fact the biggest punch may have been by the under-estimated power of the Internet. As Pete Doherty had already exploited with The Libertines the Internet was a powerful tool for communication. Yet the rise and rise of sites like Myspace and Youtube added with the increased use of peer-to-peer illegal software have had just as critical affect on the music scene. On one hand, it was a major gain for unsigned acts who could post free demos online (sound familiar Arctic Monkeys?) in hope of a label catching on. And though the contribution of mp3 players' sales supplemented the success of "downloading", more and more people became aware of the phenomenon as the year grew on. Regardless of this, the more negative effect of "downloading" has lead to heavy losses for the four biggest labels (Universal, Sony, EMI and Warner) as people became more selective on what music they listen to in 2006. Yet although counter-measures have been put in place - stricter laws and download charts - at the moment the Internet is winning its battle against the CD. However 2007 will be the only ground to find out whether digital music stays on course and win the war to kill off the CD.

Nevertheless don't go thinking that 2006 was all doom & gloom, because as the B.P.I. got to work over the summer, the rest of us were out gigging across the whole country. Whether it was at - Oxygen, V Festival, T in the Park, Isle Of Wight or the Carling Weekend - none were short of living up to expectation. Supported by global acts like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Pearl Jam along with local headliners such as The Who and Kaiser Chiefs, gigging had a whole new meaning in 2006. Furthermore helped by the BBC and MTV, television (and radio) brought yet more extensive coverage for live music as well as for over-seas excursions like Benicassim and SXSW. Nevertheless back in the U.K. bands were touring to their fullest extent, and even Bob Dylan restarted his Never Ending Tour with gig no.1811 through to 1912. Though the sold-out scene of Brixton Academy became as frequent as the number of times Pete Doherty had been in rehab, sites all over the U.K. were to witness new talent spawning from the modern age of music.

In part this has been down to the variety of music that has become more popular throughout the year. "Emo" (short for emotional) defined as "a sub-genre of punk" has become contagious amongst adolescents and whilst parents are alien to it, it is creating real divisions. Fronted by acts like Taking Back Sunday and My Chemical Romance, whom speak of "cut my [their] wrists and black my [their] eyes" talk about the portrayals of love mixed with violent actions. And as well as affecting haircut, appearance and fashion "emo" was not the only genre to have affected us in 2006. Although not as commercial, goth under-went a mini-revival in the form of The Horrors whilst The Klaxons even front lined the creation of their own genre - new rave. The London quartet armed with glow sticks + red bull created havoc inside the Carling Tent at Reading and Leeds, have released four singles on Marok Records even cracking the U.K. top 40 showing just any type of music was breaking into the charts. Yes, it seemed everyone on the alternative music circuit was trying to create their own gimmick. And with The Long Blondes adding a retro 50's fashion look, Wolfmother reviving 70's heavy metal (accompanied with big 'fro) 2006 was all about one thing - gettin' noticed.

Indeed whether it was to accessorize, to fashionize, or in many cases to plagiarize 2006 was full of surprises. Whether it was The Libertines re-uniting (only for a drinking session) or Bono going to Africa, one thing was clear in 2006: ships are ready to set sail. Despite what lies ahead for many, most paths being unwritten, tails of fame and fortune are going to lead some into the life of showbiz. Although the perception on the rise to fame is a pleasant one, the demise can often be overlooked and for 2007 inevitably some ships are just going to sink.

Harry Potter 5 Review [written 2007]

Back when Daniel Radcliffe's voice hadn't broken, Harry Potter meant just a book. Nowadays it means videogames, stamp collections and chess sets amongst other equally pointless cash-in products. However with the new film - Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix - the films certainly don't feel part of the family franchise.

Trying to keep up with the books, the films have always been lagging behind and with the seventh book on imminent release some skeptics have branded "Order" as a prelude to the main event. At 766 pages, the fifth book is like a large appetizer to the main course, and certainly gives producer David Yates a lot on his plate to work with. The movie to many will be a "brief" (138 minutes) refresh of the fifth installment whilst others will see it as the "slacker-approach" to knowing everyone's favorite wizarding celebrity turned teenage emotional adolescent.

"Order" itself distinguishes that Harry Potter (Radcliffe) isn't all about Quidditch and Wizard's Chess like in its predecessors, but instead brings much darker overtones. Starting with a dementor attack, Yates doesn't hold back on the mediocre violence, childish swearing or adolescent romance that ensues. The 12A certificate feels hard earned yet being a film aimed at children its also a secret delight to the younger adults.

Nevertheless the film still draws parallels with real-life and though there is less of a focus upon taking O.W.L.'s (wizarding GCSE's to muggles), there is much more of a focus on extra curricular activities. In fact with the main problem coming from new headmistress Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton) who along with the Ministry Of Magic is ready to apply their fascist regime, the movie is able to conjure all sorts of stories delicately inter-twined with each other.

In fact with every scene left to the crème of British acting - Alan Rickman, Michael Gambon, Gary Oldman, Emma Thompson and Robbie Coltrane all return to their familiar roles - there is definitely strength in depth. Rickman especially plays Snape with the cold heartedness expected of a character perhaps as evil as Lord Voldermort himself. Moreover Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) are able to bring a bit of light-hearted relief via a combination of brains and inanity. Additionally with new recruits including the insane Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix LeStrange the cast is growing bigger and bigger for the final two films.

The film itself is a joy to watch whether you have read the book or not. Not only has "Order" marked Harry Potter as not just a very good read but a very good film as well. Entertaining, dark and mysterious the film is more than just an appetizer but more like a second helping of the main course.

Ocean's 13 [written 2007]

It's hard to brand Ocean's 13 as part of a trilogy more like part of a sequence films one after the other. Like the first of the series, Ocean's is set in Las Vegas and though returning to the scene of the crime can be unlucky for some for Clooney's frat-pack it proves just the catalyst to take down new big-shot Willie Banks (Al Pacino) after double crossing fellow casino-extraordinaire Reuben Tishkoff (Elliot Gould). Scorsese directs a film that follows the summer box-office three-quels and with Spidey, Shrek and Pirates already having broken the banks of its audiences Ocean's looks to do just that.

With the trio of Clooney, Pitt and Damon returning there is certainly enough A-List stars to keep interest, and with an excellent support-cast (including the "Amazing Yen") there's also familiarity to be found. In fact the almost-complete male cast (Roberts and Zeta-Jones are instantly written off in the first scene) keeps the plot fresh and focused, with Ellen Barkin providing the only "love-ish" interest in the film. It's easy to argue that with all this eye-candy on screen that the film is all about style and looks ... which is certainly very true. Nevertheless that isn't a flaw and with Soderbergh adding subtle "in-jokes" references to reality, you really feel that this film is as much as elegant as it is comedic. Actually one of the best scenes in the entire film involves Ocean (Clooney), Rusty (Pitt) and Oprah proving that with every con-man there is an emotional side! It's difficult to pigeon-hole Ocean's into any genre and though there aren't gun-ho action sequences (indeed the only shots fired are at Banks) the crew bluff, double-bluff and blag their way to a smart and likeable ending.

Many eyebrows were raised after the nonsensical second adventure of Danny Ocean, but its far better sequel (that's not too far off the 2001 original) is almost an apology note to the audience. Consequently it proves that not only returning to the scene of the crime can bring good luck but that all good things come (and usually end) in threes.

Other Brands Have Sex Appeal Too

Back when I was 11, I used to think that, thanks to J.J.B. Sports, the only sports brands that existed were Adidas, Nike and Reebok. Not true. Andy Murray sports Fred Perry, the Welsh rugby team play in Under Armor and Portsmouth F.C. wear Canterbury kits. The truth is that this completely fictional, holy trinity of brands has now been superseded by a new generation of sports clothing.

For me this became apparent in 2005. I was on my way to a tennis match when on Radio 2 came a program about the rise of the word "chav". Described by Urban Dictionary as "fag in one hand, jewellery in the other", they wonder around housing estates in "imitation Adidas tracksuits". This is further complemented on television shows like Channel 4's Shameless, and thanks to characters like Mickey Maguire the identity of the tracksuit being an an innocent staple of 1980's football, the tracksuit has become, with the right person, responsible for crimes against others as well as fashion.

Today the blandest one-piece on the market, that was the Adidas trademark, has been replaced by apparel from brands like Canterbury, Under Armour and Kukri. Homoerotic super skin-tight base layers are the main culprit. Seemingly a size too small, many sportsman wear them to keep warm and in contact sports for "bosh-protection'. Stemmed from rugby league where it was used so opponents couldn't grab on to shirts when making a tackle, base layers are becoming a "necessity" in all sports. No longer does your typical Premier League footballer embrace northern away trips to Newcastle on a winter night in just an away jersey.

European imports from Spain, Portugal, France, now must play in long sleeves, polar necks and base layers to keep warm. However some players just take it too far. In 2005 Ryan Giggs played in black tights to "protect his hamstrings" against Manchester City. This doesn't help re-enforce that football is a man's game but more of a "dress-up" by major brands on their own Barbie dolls, sorry, football players. However with this new generation of brands like Canterbury not having the arsenal, ahem, of clothing available to them some order has been restored.

Instead of the cliched university stereotype that if you have a Jack Will's top, you have Canterbury tracky b's, went to public school etc many others like footballers and hockey players alike are buying these clothes too. Whether rugby players like it or not.

The End As We Know It In Video Games

For me the ending of a game is something to cherish. Mainly because I rarely reach it. One harrowing experience of this was reached in the cartridge days of my N64 and Goldeneye where, despite the fact I [James Bond] am in a soviet tank, was always unable to stop Natalya escape with General Ouramov in his Russian Volvo. No matter what route I took, it always ended up with the same result and left me with the problem of how to further myself in the game (and rescue beloved Natalya).

To gain any “hints” from the film was out of the question as my mum didn’t let me see it at the cinema as I was not 12 at the time. Furthermore GPS had only just been invented for car travel and it certainly was not a standard feature equipped on Russian machinery in a Nintendo game. YouTube was still some geeky pipe dream and the way to find some virtual MultiMap for the game was looking to be my best bet in completing the level.

That is until I stumbled on two other solutions circa 1998. These were either to print off a walkthrough of the game or, if you were lucky enough, to find out some tap-in cheats (invincible + all weapons = win). These quick-fix scenarios are of much importance in an era when it just wasn’t possible to check a speed run of the level that had been uploaded onto YouTube. It left gamers, like myself, torn between two state of minds.

Those desperate to obtain a 100% completion rate of the game would often resort to the help of some Gameshark tomfoolery. Whilst anyone else who had at least a shred of credibility would find themselves trying to navigate a 30 page print out from the internet entitled “How to beat ...”. This is all to ensure that I finish where the developers wanted me to finish and not at the dead end of some street in Moscow stuck on secret agent mode.

My failure in completing a game has not just been restricted to Goldeneye but now, when YouTube, can immediately illuminate a player’s shortcomings then there really is no excuse not to near completing a game. So now am I no longer eternally searching for the iron boots in Zelda: Wind Waker nor am I being KO’d by an angry sun in an emulated copy of Super Mario Bros. 3.

As a result of YouTube being the prime source material to go too when stuck in a game is the carving of internet celebrities out of the dedicated, hardcore nerd types who operate their headquarters from inside their parent’s basement. They are like the unofficial sacred messiahs of gaming where their uploads are part of a lifestyle made out of other people’s ineptness in certain games.

Beauty And The Console

Pong was two lines and a square. Snake was one line and a square. Tetris was just a bunch of shapes. Graphics in gaming can be very deceptive. These three arcade classics would never be nominated for any Miss World beauty pageants yet contain a distinct elegance that is rarely on show in modern games. In these days of simplicity, no one cared about lip movement in cut scenes, whether their character could move more than two directions, they cared about how good the end product was.

Nowadays aestheitcs means to make the game look realistic to the point it could pass as some sort of alternate reality or parallel universe. However this isn’t why people were attracted to consoles in the first place. Realism didn’t exist in 8, 16, or even 32 bit dimensions so why is it such an important aspect of gaming? Especially now when if you were to take the same game and show it to someone on the Xbox 360 and PS3 and asked which was which, the results, I would wager, would be inconclusive.

Differences = minimal

The use of graphics as a marketing tool is therefore fast becoming superfluous. When it was used in the past to “wow” consumers in advertising campaigns, the price would always be in the small print. The Atari Jaguar was the first 64 bit console but at $250 it was hardly the sort of pocket money given to children by their parents. People weren’t ready for it when it in 1993. Nor were they in 1997 when the N64 was released to provide competition for the Playstation. A 32 bit console [Playstation] versus a 64 bit one. The Playstation outsold its competitor 3:1 and again typified that popularity wasn’t decided by just a number.

Arguably, better graphics is just natural evolution but it has got to the point where devolution is the next, most logical, step. Some may say this is counter-intuitive but for every pixel of dust the Wii (the most popular of the current-gen consoles) has swept under the covers, they have been replaced with new, exciting measures that has opened up entirely new markets. Physical involvement like prancing around trying to hit tennis balls in Wii Sports indicates that Nintendo have made a console that appeals to a completely new demographic.

Types of people who shun the opportunity of chainsawing heads in half or setting nuclear missiles off in online servers but would rather play more accessible, surreal, colourful, family-friendly titles. This has somewhat lead to a renaissance amongst gamers who want to break the cycle of playing through campaigns of first person shooter after first person shooter. The Gamecube (the Wii’s father) laid the foundations in this but titles like Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker quickly became ridiculed for their “cartoony” layout. But this was to be Nintendo’s last hiccup.

The Wii, with over 50 million sales worldwide, is now a pioneer of new technology - not just technology that has been refined to look slightly better than its predesccor. Nintendo has realised that its most successful games like Super Mario, Metroid, Zelda, were played not because they were the most beautiful to look at. They were played because they were fun, inventive, revolutionary. Great games are a reflection of its developers but great graphics are just a mirroring of current technology.

Link in 8 bit glory

First Person Shooters: The Evolution Of Weaponry

Guns, if there is anything consoles are not short of it is games with guns. From the low-cost budget approach of chainsaws in Doom to the physics engine demonstrating gravity gun of Half Life, developers have produced some iconic and imaginative pieces of hardware for players to get their hands on over the years. They are the lowest common denominator of all shooters but with smarter bosses and deadlier henchman the standard issue pistol just isn’t enough any more in a virtual firefight.

Holographic sights, grenade launcher attachments, heartbeat sensors, Infinity Ward’s Modern Warfare 2 has been guilty of fetishisizing gun accessories in order of becoming the most realistic shooter ever in history. It is as if firearms are a re-incarnation of Action Man dolls with owners choosing what outfit their piece of kit is going to be wearing day-to-day. Should I dress my assault rifle in the white camo suit or the desert war paint was the scenario I found myself asking the other day. The appearance of a weapon is so customizable that looks are rapidly becoming just as important as function on the fashion conscious streets of online gaming.

No two guns are identical and the infinite possibilities and combinations have made dying as original as ever (tactical nuke anyone?). Yet on previous consoles, the solution to evolving the standard arsenal of a secret agent had been to weave the ridiculous with the realistic. South Park’s outing on the N64 resulted in many “death by cow” instances from the trigger of one’s own cow launcher whilst the bouquet of roses in any wrestling game can have a very, ahem, prickly effect on their opponent.

Rare’s Perfect Dark is another example where the standard arsenal has been back-shelved (and framed in the shooting range) for a more futuristic collection to reflect the science fictioney story. Cloaking devices, shooting bullets through walls, there are some innovative items protagonist Joanna Dark can get her hands on but the “piece de resistance” is the laptop gun. Morphing from social-networking tool to deadly weapon at the click of a button is one thing but to detach it and let it mow down enemies from afar, on its own, made it a very worthy companion.

Such a companion that guns, in video gaming, can be man’s best friend. Today pimping up your piece has become the latest fashion because to everyone else it boasts the credentials of the player. Their unlocked achievements, their skill level, their rank (I’m a Brigadier General) characterize the player and his weapon of choice. For me though there is nothing better than a shotgun to the head of your best mate.

Avatar Film Review

Avatar is a film that tries to be too clever. Much like The Matrix, Avatar revolves around humans entering a world in virtual bodies (hence the 3D experience) in order to run tests on alien habitats and communicate with the locals. This is very much established in the first thirty minutes of the film but what is to follow in the next two hours is edited (to be more precise not edited) in a way that leaves the viewer waiting for the credits to roll. The effects of mass deforestation caused by an oafish army general are laid out whilst romance of the mudblood kind happens between wheelchair hero Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) and Neytiri (Zoe Saldana).

It is at this point in the review that one might assume the phrase “mass deforestation” means Al Gore had something to do with the production of Avatar. Not true. It is in fact James Cameron, who having already wasted vast amounts of money in the past on Titanic, directs what he would probably describe as an “intelligent interpretation” of Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth. Instead Avatar is a dumbed down version of Gore’s Oscar winning documentary as portrayed by “blow shit up” extraordinaire Colonel Miles Quadritch.

Avatar plays as a pieced together action/adventure story packaged with an environmental warning for the future advertisement. Cameron as a result of clumsily illustrating the effects of deforestation highlights the ineptness of the Army in the film (made to retreat by blue people with spears!?!?). The wrong parallels can certainly be made between the film and real life and whilst the script isn’t necessarily dreadful, the acting definitely is.

No matter how big the budget is of any film, if the acting is bad it remains bad and this is directly aimed at lead Sam Worthington. An ex-army man torn between helping scientists and his army compadres, Worthington’s inexperience tells when it is most needed after he finds romance. Maybe he should have taken acting lessons off of Chris Pine who knows a thing or two about anonymous leads starring in big blockbusters a la Star Trek.

One could argue that the plot and dialogue is irrelevant when the viewers can be wowed by all the colour and beauty of a mystical world in 3D. As a linguist myself I do marvel at the morphological and phonological features of this alien language. Yet this film, for all its hype and budget, fails to be an innovation in film making and is more like an extended recording of someone entering World Of Warcraft. A sight myself and not many other people want to see.